Confession Point

I like to eat my own cum……sometimes I freeze it and then eat it the next time I masturbate

I love tampons. They’re awesome. I love the feeling of almost being pulled inside out as I slide them out and how warm they feel afterwards.

I blacked out for the first time in my life last week and it was the only time I have ever felt truly at peace.

I constantly fantasize about going berserk and slaughtering and torturing people.

I have fallen in love with my brother in laws best best friend who is very straight, we all got very drunk the other night and I was all over him but in a playful way! my girlfriend asked the question. Are you gay? “Err no” I said, but deep down I wanted to say YES! but I know if I did I would lose my friends and family, they are very homophobic!

Got us caught… He got a great show!
My wife and I Once had sex in the front seat of my truck. The Parking Lot was empty and seemed safe. About 15 minutes into her riding me I noticed a set of headlights coming closer in the distance. It was the building night security. I quickly unzipped the back of my wifes dress as she was riding away on my swollen cock. Knowing this car was creeping closer I methodically threw the dress on the floor of the truck as she bounced up and down. My heart raced as the lights pulled up to my truck nose to nose. The headlights of his car light up the entire inside of my truck. My wife noticed the lights now, but surprisingly enough, kept on riding and moaning .. She yelled .. Babe !.. As though oh shit .. but could not contain herself……She wasnt stopping I couldnt believe it! My sweet innocent wife!

What was to happen next, truely surpassed any of my wildest dreams! As she kept on riding, I lifted my ass up off the seat of the truck as to push us higher in view of the headlights and whoever was so lucky enough to be in that car. My heart was now racing and ready to bounce out of my chest…her Sweet round, tanned, innocent ass was thrust into the spotlight with my stiff cock ramming in an upward motion.

All of a sudden a knock… two knocks.. I looked over her shoulder and realized the he had gotten out of his car and came knocking on the passenger window with his Mag Light. Scared, my wife climbed off and sat in the drivers seat.. Naked .. Caught… Clothes nowhere to be found… Nowhere to go. I. Naked Cock still aimed north, I turned the key in the ignition and rolled down the window. He said, with his flashlight shining on us, ” you guys arent supposed to be parked here”. I said “Oh” Sorry were just leaving. We looked at eachother and just laughed .. put on our clothes and left… What an awsome experience!
loanguy32@yahoo.com

I get drunk whenever I can which is pretty much all the time. I know I’m an alcoholic. I’ve tried therapy and AA but it didn’t help. I’m not writing this about my drinking problem but about what happens every time I drink. As soon as I am drunk, I want someone to eat my pussy. I will grab any man that comes along and offer it to him. I usually don’t have a hard time finding takers because I am very pretty. I never have intercourse or anything else, I just want my pussy licked until I cum. Afterwards I feel awful. Most guys want to see me again but I don’t ever want to see them again. I am ashamed and feel dirty. I swear it won’t happen again but once I’m drunk, I get all horny and do it again. Even when I cum, I feel so empty. It seem I’m caught in a trap.

when i was 15 my best friend who was 14 stayed over, we shared the bed half way through the night i woke up with him sticking his cock up my arse and wanking me off, the problem was i liked it and let him continue. when i moved he stopped got out of the bed and slept on the floor, we have never spoke about it but i really liked it and would love for him to do it again!

I dated a really nice pretty girl for about a month before we decided to make love. When she went down on me she was a real pro. While she sucked my cock head she gently tickled my asshole with her middle finger. She sensed I was close to cumming and she shoved her finger all the way up my ass really hard. I blew a huge load but it really hurt too. I just wish she warned me first. I’m still seeing her and when we get kinky, we at least use lube now.

Hi, my name is *@#($*&!@#(*$* and I have the biggest crush on this girl. She is cute, and funny, but here is the thing. She is like 5 or 6 inches taller than me. I come from a short family, but am still taller than most of my siblings. Now, at first, I was intimidated by her, now, I don’t really care. I try not to fantasize about her because I respect her too much, but sometimes I just let my thoughts wander away from me. She is like a sister, but not really. I told her how I feel, and she turned me down. Every now and then I joke around with and do the whole big yawn and put my arm around her, but then we just laugh about it. She can be bossy sometimes though, but still, she is nice, and funny, and beautiful.

I am not the best looking person, I’m the kind of guy that is comfortable around girls and likes to be friends with them, but not for the wrong reasons. This is probably a mistake, confessing this, but I don’t care, it helps get it off my chest. She is nice and likes to come over occasionally, but…………. she will be moving soon, I just wish that I could tell her how I really feel. NOW, don’t get me wrong, I’m 15 and most likely do not know what love is, but the way I feel about her (I’m a guy by the way), it may be love. I am one of those kids who thinks about nothing but sex, and whenever I see her, I see her long brown hair, her blue/brown/green eyes, and her face, it is so beautiful. Ah well, I guess that nothing will happen, but, I daydream about her leaving, me getting on my bike and riding off into the sunset to be a loner. I know that this won’t happen, but oh well.

Hi im 15 and i just wanted to know if this is normal. i do alot of weights and my dick is 29cms long…. i heard that doing alot of weights causes your dick to shrink but if anything its gotten bigger. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!!! 🙁

You know that expression, “You can’t tell a book by it’s cover?” Well here is a prime example. I’ll try to not be too long. Anyway, I was at the library one day doing research when I caught the eye of a very attractive mid twenties woman. Red hair, bright green eyes, perfect lips, gorgeous tits (with nipples visable) and a perfect tight ass to die for.

Well we started talking, one thing led to another and we ended up sitting in my car. Turns out she enjoyed pot like me so we smoked a joint and really had a good time laughing and getting to know one another. I invited her back to my apartment to listen to some music we both liked and she accepted. Once there, we had a drink and just spontaniously started making out. She was an awesome kisser and let me know that she was interested in a little more when she started stroking my rock hard cock.

I took her in my bedroom and laid her down. We stripped off each others clothes and started to caress and kiss passionately. She pushed me on my back and gently lowered her hot shaved pussy on my face. I licked it until she came on my face. I was in heaven. Now the story turns. She slid down my body and offered her tits to my eager mouth. While I sucked her rock hard nipples she was stroking my cock and balls and rubbing the head of my cock between her ass cheeks. Suddenly I heard a strange noise and smelled something odd.

Well she reached behind herself and came back with a handful of shit! She started smearing it all over my chest. I almost fucking puked! I threw her off of me and ran and jumped into the shower. She followed me and offered to get in the shower with me and let me fuck her “hard” in the ass. Now I know that there are some guys that would consider this a dream, but I was repulsed and mortified and believe me, I’m no prude. It was just really repulsive and sad because she really was a beautiful young girl. I just wonder what happened to her?

This happened two years ago. Am married woman working and faithful to my hubby. We are deeply in love and trust each other.This particular incident has made me guilty. Hubby was out on tour, my friend Lisa asked me to stay at her place as she was alone too.We are good friends as we work togather.

We drank a little and was watching ‘Face Off” she asked if i fantasizes Travolta the hero in the movie fucking me. I was shocked. never had thought of such things.She said she did fantasized a few heros fucking her. The topic got hotter and bolder. She also wanted to know that after sex with my husband did i secretly masturbated….. I was shocked but …i was guilty i had done it once or twice but it was my little secret…still i said no to her.I was little horny with the talk..a little shocked as i had not expected this and a little scared as i was never into such situation.

we were talking sex and we kept in sharing a few experiences…as long as it is talking it went on suddenly she took out her vibrator… it was crossing the limits but i was curious to know more I had used it once but it was too noisy and i was scared so i threw it away…but that was almost ten years ago…she came up to me and kissed me…. to make it short i was seduced by my female friend. I had never been with female I was starting to like it the touched were different to that of my husbands and when she licked me…i was on the virge of screaming….it did not end here. She brought a strapon and fucked me. I did not know where my mind was……. did i think of my hubby… She asked me to turn around and i obeyed it… I came three times continuous…. Afterwards she asked me to do her but i politely refused saying i was too tired and went to sleep. She masturbated herself.

I was guilty of cheating my hubby..but I was more guilty for secretly enjoying the whole fuck I was also guilty of not pleasing her after i got the pleasure.

I’m a 60 year old man and I have a gentalman friend who is 72. We both have had wives in the past. Sometimes we talk on the phone and the subject gets around to sexual things. We end up masturbating together on the phone. A few days ago we got so turned on while on the phone that we decided that he would stop by my place. We played with each other and I ended up sucking him.

Am male 22
When I was 13 my dad and mom split up. I was with mom and dad married his secretary 28. I used to visit dad and he gave me allowances. Dads wife was also cool. We talked normally. Mom could not stand her neither did they meet. One year later, One day as I went to their house no one opened the door… I went towards the backdoor and through the window I saw her naked in bed. Curiocity got over me and I watched…First i thought it was with dad…no then maybe someone else….Even After 5 minutes I saw no male, then it got clear she was masturbating. I watched till she finished…she lay there naked even after it was over I quietly got back home.

After that day it became my masturbating scene. Everytime afterwards when I went to their house I hoped to catch her again.Never did it happen till 6 months.This day I rang the doorbell and found the door un-locked so I entered inside. She was in her bedroom naked masturbating.We both got akward I just turned back When she said sorry…she thought she had locked the door. I was horny as well as scared, I dont know what i mumbled when she said “let this be our little secret”. She took my thing out and sucked..I almost fainted and instantly blew in her mouth.She said it was tastier than your dad’s.That got me more hornier.
From then onwards it was no turning back.
She became my tutor. All I know today about pleasing a women is her effort.It continued till I was 18.Then they moved out to other city. It has been four years I have not heard about them. And this was one thing which was really OUR SECRET. I have has 5 girlfriends since my age and slightly older BUT she was the best.

I used to pinch my mother’s panties until,she found me wearing them one day. After that sh e would wear them then leave them in my bed for me to masturbate in them. Later she would pull up her skirt or dress to give me a look at`what she was wearing and ask me if I would like them. Most times I did, particularly if they were black or lacy. She woud also allow me to wear her skirt and garter belt with a frilly underskirt.

i’m 19 yrs old i’ve never had sex in my life, when i was 17 yrs old i thought and felt that i have to have it.my girl friend and i agreed about it she visited me then we kissed and i finger fucked her at a time when i was suppose to put my penis insite her vigina it was not erected,and this has happened twice now.but sometimes when she is not around it does erect,i dont know what to do because if i’m with her it just erect for a short of time as soon as we take off the clothes is no longer erected please help

hi im zach jones. i like to play age of empires alot. sometimes i take it to far, and i get pleasure from it. sometimes people sit at my computer and i have to be a homo about it and use my super nerd knowledge and boot kids from the game. anyway ladies im about four feet tall and have greasy black afro hair. i weigh a good 170 but i try to keep the weight down. i have alot of rolls and im ghostly pale. no girls like me but 13 year old eighth graders and i cant help but to get with it. Or “Hop on dat” as my negro friends would say. i dont care how old they are, as long as i dont have to jack off at night its all good. well im out so bye

i like watching my female neigbours and playing with myself sometimes i get so horny i finger myself and i love using hand cream

i like dogs and horses.. wun day on the farm me and my sistar wur bored and went to the barn we started to brush the horsees hair and he got a stiffy so i talked my sistar into getting under the horse and she put the stiffy inside her just then the dog came in and i ripped my pants off and let him lick me is this wrong or have other peoples dun this

There is a very attractive young couple living next door to me who like to fuck on their living room couch with their window shades up. I have been sneaking out to watch them. I know I shouldn’t but it’s like I’m hooked. He is gorgeous with a great body and she also has a tight little ass and beautiful titties. She usually rides him on top and when I watch her sink down on his hard cock (about 8 inches) I get all wet and finger myself to orgasm. The last time I watched he turned her around and put it up her ass! I was horney for days after seeing that! I usually see her when I’m leaving for work in the morning and say hello. Little does she know ……

when i was a teenager i would have my mates stay over i would make one of them sleep in my bed with me and the other would sleep in the spare bed the one who stayed in my bed i would wait until he was asleep and i would have a little feel of his cock i even managed to put his cock in my mouth several times!

He sent me this song:

accidental babies by damien rice

“i held you like a lover
happy hands
and your elbow in the appropriate place
and we ignored our others’ happy plans
for that delicate look upon your face
our bodies moved and hardened
hurting parts of your garden
with no room for a pardon
in a place where no one knows what we have done

do you come
together ever with him?
is he dark enough
enough to see your light?
do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
do you miss my smell?
is he bold enough to take you on?
do you feel like you belong?
does he drive you wild?
or just mildly free?
what about me?

you held me like a lover
sweaty hands
and my foot in the appropriate place
we used cushions to cover happy glands
and the mild issue of our disgrace
our minds pressed and guarded
while our flesh disregarded
the lack of space for the light-hearted
in the boom that beats our drum

and i know i make you cry
i know sometimes you wanna die
but do you really feel alive without me?
if so be free
if not leave him for me
before one of us has
accidental babies
for we are ”

and i was so horrified that i threw up.

i’m married with 2 children. before i got married i had gay sex with my brother in law one night after a drunken night out the problem is that was 8 years ago and we are still seeing each other, i want to stop but every time i see him i get a strange feeling inside me, he wispers in my ear what he wants to do to me which makes me excited and fully erect within seconds, i then have to wait until he is ready to meet up for sex which can be weeks or months i’m so feed up, i want to stay in my relationship but having feeling for another man doesn’t help, more recently at work i have fallen in love with one of my male colleges so much when i see him i melt the feeling for him are much stonger than the ones for my brother in law its hurting me inside

I hate fat people. I hate their rolls of useless flab. I hate their arms that are thick as legs, and their legs as thick as trees. I hate watching them shove food into their fat mouths while they walk. I hate seeing them eat ice cream and donuts at 10 am. I hate the way they waddle. I hate their bellies hanging over their genitals. I hate the way they take up 2 seats on planes and buses. I hate the way they make excuses for being fat.

I’m a 38 yo woman and I’m seriosuly attracted to boys aged 12-16. I see them at the mall, and they are all so cute and sexy. I love their voices, the way they smell, their bodies, their faces and the way they look at me like they just came in their pants. I can’t stop flirting with them and I’m scared one day I’m going to touch one.

I no longer trust my husband.
He has always been “Mr. Perfect” and even though I used to ask him if he looked at porn he ALWAYS denied it. Thus, making me think he might be gay… or just a saint.(not sure which…) Anyhow, recently I found out after five years he is basically a porn-aholic. What is worse I just can’t shake the feeling deep down that he is gay. I would leave him in a heart beat, but a-I don’t have a way to support myself and b-I do love him… DAMN.

I would love to eat Jessica Simpson’s pussy. The thing is, I’m a girl!

While in Germany I went to the Belsen Camp, the last place for Anna Frank. While walking along a path I came upon two women. I looked into their faces and noticing they were looking at me I ran the smile away from my face. At the moment I did so, I noticed the older lady suddenly erased the smile from her face and dropped her head down to look down towards the ground.
It was my thought that this was a solem place and I should not be smiling, if I was the it was like enjoying myself while visiting a grave yard. But could this older lady have been one of those who camped here all those tears ago?

I’m 17 and quite handy at fixing things. My nieghbor lady is 32 and sometimes she has me fix things in and around her house. When ever she leaves me alone in her house with a job, I go to her bedroom and find her panties that she had been wearing. I like to smell them and rub them on my cock while I jack off.

I want to confess that when I was in elementary school I choked a kid… I got enrolled into the reading aid program when I was in like 5th grade and i taught this young kid, he was like a 2nd grader. He viewed me like the older brother he never had, I do not know why but I grew to hate this kid. He looked up to me and I despised him. I’d chase him off when it was lunch or recess, i’d choke him at times to tell him to keep away from me. I had built up anger and rage from my own familial problems.

I realize that I was just a young stupid kid, but now that I have taken some psychology classes I see how badly I probably effected his psyche. I feel horrid about it every day. Yet I know there isn’t anything I can do… Apologizing would only expunge my guilt, it would do nothing to help him at this point if I even knew where he was or what his last name was even.

I do not know what I seek in this confession, all I know is that I wish I could take it back. But of cource, that is not posible… I guess because there is nothing else I can say or do. I’ll say apologize anyway…

I’m sorry Andrew… I hope you turned out ok…

When I was a boy I use to stay with my grandma sometimes in the summer. Over the years it was common for her to see me naked in and out of the bath and shower. I saw her naked a few times also while she was dressing. Sometimes she would help me towel off in the bathroom. Once when I was about 11, she was helping me and I got an erection. She was quite interested in it and she handled my cock and nuts. This caused me to have my first ejaculation. This scared me but she asured me it was ok because I was just becoming a young man. After that I got more modest and didn’t let her see me naked any more. The only thing is that as an adult it turns me on for an older woman to see me naked.
Jack me Granny

Well about 3 years ago while my wife was pregnant I was so horny. I would masterbate but that was not doing the trick. I did not want to cheat on her. I thought well maybe I can just have a guy jerl me off. Sort of a modified masterbation. I found a guy online and we met and he jerked me off. It was ok, but I was really nervous. He asked me to jerk him off to so I did. No big thrill. So I decided for a bit more. I found another guy who said he would suck me off, with nothing needed in return. So I did it. I went to his pace and he did just that. He sucked me until I came and he swallowed. I was nervous but that did feel good. I went back a couple of times and the one time a freind of his was there and he had him suck me off. I went back all together 5 times to be sucked off. Well it has been two years since then and still am horny for being sucked off. I am glad I did this. I had offers from women but that would have lead to intercourse. I did not want that. I myself have never sucked, but can’t say I have never thought about it. Well I need to add that a few months ago I did let a BBW suck on me. She did not make me cum but I jerked off for her. So now I have let 2 men suck me off, a couple guys jerk me off, and a woman suck me and stroke me, and then I jerked off for her. All in the span of around 3 years. I feel bad but I am glad I did not suck a guy or screw the woman or let the woman make me cum.

I married my husband ten years ago without really loving him.I was sick at the time and also on food stamps and welfare.He asked me to marry him so I did.Now we don’t have sex and sleep in seperate rooms.I’m thinking of getting a lover to fullfill my needs.

I have a long distance relationship with a girl. We met, fooled around, and now we’re back to long distance. I plan on moving up there to live with her, but I really don’t know if she’ll feel the same before I do that. It’s her first long distance relationship.

What can I do to put my worries to rest?

I think about my ex every day. I used to just have a crush on him, now I’m absolutely smitten with him and it drives me crazy to know he’s dating someone else. Now that I’m older, I fantasize about having passionate sex with him. He hints at the fact that he still loves me, but I don’t believe him all the time. He’s somewhat of a casanova and an asshole..and I love it.

I’m in a commited relationship with a guy.
But the only thing that gets me hot is thinking about other women. When I masterbate the only thing that can make me cum is thinking about a gorgeous blonde eating me out until I scream.

I love guys, they’re sweet and caring, and being wrapped in their arms is the most amazing feeling in the world. But I never did like being having sex with them. I mean no offense to men, but penises never really interested me.
I love girls because they’re soft, beautiful, and just have this glow around them. But they can be caty, mean, and over-emotional. However I still LONG to one day be able to experiment with a girl.
I love relationships with guys, but I think I would enjoy sex with women a whole lot more…

Everytime I hear japanese I get hard. Also my girlfriend is a japan-nut, christian, a total virgin and i often jerk off while talking to her on the phone without telling her. Am I strange?

my fiance has emotionally checked out of our relationship. i know he’s been under a lot of stress and has been traveling a lot lately, but it’s lasting a long time and i feel like i have no one around me. damn it, it gets lonely.
i’m considering having an affair with someone that i met online. he’s traveling through my town in a few months and we have discussed meeting and… yeah. i don’t know what to do. in five years when i’m married i could either be kicking myself for not going for it, or hating myself because i did. i don’t know what to do.

At the age of 16 I have sex with my real sister of 12 years and that continude till her marriage.
Shamim

Im a girl and i masterbate every night, do u think if i keep on like this, it will get harder and harder for me to have an orgy?

and also i would really like some comments telling me some fantasys i can use to turn me on for next time 🙂

Im married with 2 kids, but have always had a crush on my daughters english teacher. So when it was parent teacher conferences i decided to go full out, make up, skirt, no undies…
the meeting was in the science room and we where alone
i didnt really listen to what he had to say about my daughter which i felt guilty about but was too busy trying to smoothly flirt with him. I opened my legs abit, and i caught him take a glance. He stopped talking because it was the end of the conference. So i got up and went to give him a kiss on the cheek. this i knew was not usual but couldnt resist, it was the longest kiss on the cheek i have ever had. I dont know what came over me but i moved from his cheek to his lips and he kissed me back! so i sat on him with his legs open, i couldnt wait, i unzipped his pants and slowly slided his dick into me. we had the roughest passionate sex i have ever had. It was a fantasy come true. he put me on the desk and went down on me, i returned the favour and he came all over my mouth. i cleaned myself up and said goodbye. Now every time my daughter mentions him i feel sooo guilty but it was defiantly worth it. i cant wait till next parent teacher conferences. i might book him twice.

In highschool, here was a girl I really liked at my drama camp. I stole a pair of her underwear (clean) but I’d wear them a lot. I’m a girl by the way.

I think I’m pregnant. AGAIN. You’d think after one scare I’d be more careful. The condom slipped off again. We should have been more careful. I should have been more careful. I can’t believe this. I’m freaking out. I turned 16 only three weeks ago.
I didn’t even really want to have sex this time. I’ve been going through so much lately, my emotions weren’t even in it. I figured that if I kept going with the physical, the emotional would soon kick in. I just couldn’t say no to him. We get to see each other alone so rarely. And we were both looking forward to it. But when the moment happened, the mood just didn’t strike me. And it hurt like hell. But he’s such a sweet boy and he loves me. And I love him. I just can’t tell him this. He goes to church each sunday for goodness sakes. Even though we were both each other’s firsts, sometimes I think that I also took away HIS innocence. And lately I think that the only way he can express his way of telling me he loves me is through the physical. And right now all I want is the emotional.
Now I don’t know what to do. I’m so frightened. God help me.

In college I was on a junior year abroad in Europe, and the city I was studying in had an annual festival in its Medeival “old city” (complete with cathedral). The festival was relatively tame, consisting mostly of going out drinking.

Well I had been walking around the old city alone, not being much of a drinker myself, and was getting ready to head back to my dorm. I was walking past an alley and saw a man whose back was to me, who was moving in a weird way. Once I looked closer, it looked like he was making out with a woman against the back wall of the alley, although I couldn’t see much of her. I don’t know what posessed me, but I walked slowly and quietly into the alley. It soon became clear that he wasn’t making out with a woman as much as *fucking* a woman, standing up, in an alley! It also became clear that the 2 of them were drunk out of their minds and didn’t know the world existed, let alone notice me.

I was so turned on by the idea of watching people fucking that I abandoned all sense and walked right up to them, but they still didn’t notice me. I could hear him grunting as he was pumping into her. Then, I don’t know what posessed me, but I reached my hand in the direction of her pussy to feel it. What I instead felt was his cock pumping in and out. I guess it was because I couldn’t see what I was doing, and I was not in my right mind, and it all hapenned fast, but somehow my finger ended up *in* her pussy, while his cock was still pumping! I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was many years ago. It was my right index finger, his cock was rubbing the back of it, and the front if it was touching her pussy wall, which felt extremely wet.At this point I regained my senses and felt some normal fear finally. I pulled my finger out and ran away. I glanced over my shoulder and saw he was still fucking her exactly the same (I guess the alcohol was slowing down his cuming) as if they hadn’t noticed my finger invasion at all.

Once I got a chance to think about it, I came up with the theory that even if they felt my finger, each one probably assumed that the other one was putting their finger in there. Once I ran for a few minutes and could see they weren’t running after me, I looked at my finger under a street light, and the front was covered with something that looked like semen, but a little more on the clear side. I’m not sure if it was just her secretions or if there was some male cum too. Definitely one of the hottest things I’ve done.

oh my god i cnt fuckin take dis shit nemre i cnt stand my mother in law she drives me crazy i feel like poisoning her or hiring someone to kill her and her fucking bitch of a daughter they both are whores wen i see dem my blood starts boiling and i feel like banging their heads together until one of them dies or just torture them so badly that theyl comMit suicide!!!I HATE THEM I HATE THEM ESPECIALLY THE MOTHER GOD PLZ FORGIVE ME BUT I CNT WAIT FOR HER TO DIE! BOTH OF THEM.

Ilkike to wear pantyhose under my jeans

Im a straight man with a girlfriend, But When i was a teenager, I sucked my younger brothers cock while he was alseep.

i was at the coast with a bunch of friends…
like 8+ boys and 4 girls,
and we all got totally smashed, especially this one girl who is REALLY hot (i’m a lesbian), well we had to get her to bed after she vomited, she was wearing this short dress…
i slipped off her panties and fingered her

BTW this is like my best friend, and i feel really really guilty for it

I can’t figure myself out and I don’t know if I like this one idiot. Who I know it not worth it. And I know I can do better. And I already had my chance with that. And back then when I could, I didn’t want to. But now it’s harder and there are obstacles. And now I kinda want to. Even though I know I am better than that. I can’t even look at the bastard for more than 10 seconds without being revolted. But yet. Yet.

What am I doing and what do I want?