Confession Point

When you must confess!

First of all, i’m a 22 y/o bisexual GUY. I’ve dated girls my whole life (because its the thing to do, right?) until a year ago where I decided to experiment without telling anyone.

Over the course of the summer I slept with 4 different guys. Mostly good experiences but it was just sex… no romance, just pure Fuck. September came and I met a new guy, we were so much alike in so many ways that he eventually became my first boyfriend. I liked him, everything was cool at first… then he turned psycho on me. That guy had ISSUES.

I’m a nice guy, i don’t like hurting people, he totally used that against me. He was very mentally abusive with me, he would manipulate me in ways that I still don’t understand. Everytime I tried to brake up with him, but he would take out the “I’m going to kill myself if you brake up with me” card. And more shit like that.

One night he had a party at his house, towards the end of the night, he was drunk and threw fit. He got jealous cause I was flirting with girls. but nobody knew we were dating. We had mutual friends which made keeping it a secret a touchy business, it was part of my tactics, but he wouldn’t get that. He called me names, just saying really hatefull things that I’m not used to hear. so I threatened him to leave and brake up with him (cause c’mon, he had been treating me like shit for 2 months at this point) So he threw me on his bed and pined me, holding me by the neck, he was choking me, begging me not to leave him. I’M 22, HE WAS 19, I am bigger, stronger than him, but I…. its like I couldn’t do anything.

Its then that I thought to myself: “that’s how beaten wifes that still stay with their abusive husbands feel like…”

…. man I erased so much of this from my brain I’m having trouble recalling the events properly, it was so bad.

somehow, he manipulated me into staying. He played with my feelings and my head. Since when do you hear about abused 22 y/o guys… I was so ashamed of myself.

To break up with him, I had to take a break. I visited my parents for 2 weeks, in a town 10 hours away. I sent him an e-mail from there so he coudln’t show up at my door and … I don’t know what he could have done.

In the end it worked. I broke up with him. Today I have a girlfriend that treats me well. I’m happy but still a little shaken. I told my mom and she thinks I should go see a therapist… o.O

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8 Comments

  1. Cherry
    3:35 pm on June 30th, 2009

    Nice Guy, I agree with your mom. What you have been through is very traumatic, no one deserves that type of treatment, NO ONE! I think what you are feeling is shame because of your sexual orientation- and you shouldn’t; I am also bi-sexual but I am a woman- I know how hard it is for bi-sexual men to come out and date men and women simultaneously; we live in a homophobic society and there is a stigma on being a gay/bisexual man: I’m pretty sure you know this.

    Your ex boyfriend emotionally/physically abused you and even though you want to put it behind you- you were a victim of abuse. I understand why you probably didn’t want to tell the authorities because you were afraid of being stigmatized, however, you were a victim of a crime: physical assault/battery. If you chose not to do anything legally about this- please go talk to a professional counselor/therapist; just being able to talk to someone about the situation and allowing them to listen actively, help you sort through your feelings and give you solutions I feel will help you in the long run.

    I’m glad you found someone who treats you well but to just block it out of your mind like it didn’t even happen is not good either. Just remember that you did not do anything wrong here- you trusted him and he betrayed you with his abusiveness and emotional manipulation. You are strong man, not just physically but mentally and your perpetrator is the one who is weak and insecure taking advantage of your vulnerabilities. I hope you read this and think about my advice. Take care of yourself.

  2. Nice guys get hurt
    10:19 pm on July 1st, 2009

    Thank you, it felt really good to hear that.

  3. Freedom
    2:41 am on July 3rd, 2009

    No, you are not a strong man. You are bound by your sexual experimentations. No, you did do wrong. If you would put down the mental auto-defense mechanisms you use to avoid the truth, you could come to realize and accept that you are bound by this deception. It is a lie, and you don’t have to live like this. Read your own words. A therapist might not be the best answer.

  4. successful dragon
    1:28 am on August 16th, 2009

    No, you deserve it for keeping him a secret.

  5. Jayse
    12:58 pm on August 21st, 2009

    Hey i read your story and I had a very similar situation, I just wish i could talk to you about it because i have been able to move past it and work through it and my life is great now that i have moved on. I know you are gonna be able to do the same you just need the tools and motivation to do it. trust me it’s not as hard as you think. there are still great guys like us out there.

  6. Peace.
    6:21 pm on August 25th, 2009

    Rule number one. Forgive yourself. I’m a 35 year old 6 foot plus guy with a really high IQ. I’m talented, strong clever and well liked. I never believed I could be abused but it happened. My partner destroyed me, cut me to ribbons over two years, using my own tiny doubts and insecurities against me, building them up against me. It’s taken me 3 years since I managed to walk away from them and I’ve still not recovered completely. But I have come a long long way and everything makes so much more sense now. Give yourself time and space and love. No one deserves abuse and it can happen to anyone. And it’s your very strength that is used against you: The stronger you are the harder it is to break free. Give yourself space and time and don’t listen to idiots who say otherwise, people who have never experienced this sort of stuff have no conception or what it really feels like. Pity them. As for sexual experimentation: Doesn’t matter who it is, love is love, lust is lust and abuse is abuse. Strive for the first, recognise and accept the second and walk away from the third. Its all any of us can do.

  7. white daughter
    3:48 pm on September 10th, 2009

    forget about him. concentrate on your new relationship and chalk the old relationship up as what not to do.

  8. rough unicorn
    3:02 am on September 21st, 2009

    was it Torian!?

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