Confession Point

When you must confess!

… ok, even when ppl dont know who i am i feel stupid about saying whats wrong. i cant talk to anyone, i feel stupid about my feelings, i think it might be because when i was younger, when i would cry, my mom would usually say ” either stop crying or go to your room, no one wants to see that”.. but i dont know. i hate the way i look, i am probably have the lowest amount of confidence ever, i always wear my hoodie because i feel like everyone is staring at my “fat” cuz im not skinny but im not fat, im just in the middle, but i feel disgusting, i always see my flaws… i dont even know how to take a compliment, i just feel weird. idk…

my family is so fucked up, and i feel like they hate me. my eldest brother *Abe* ignored me for like a year for no reason…like, i went to my brother *dan’s* house for a cook out and he was there, and he wouldnt even make eye contact with me, and he talked to everyone BUT me… then like 20 mins later he went to sleep… even now, i feel like crying cuz of it… i mean, do you know how that feels, im the youngest out of all my siblings (im 16 now, oldest sib. is 32) and when that happened i was only like 15, it hurt so bad, and he didnt even have a reason to do it… my mom said it was cuz the age diff. (hes like 25) but he was perfectly fine talking to my niece who is 11… and i have like 2 friends cuz no1 likes me, i never tell anyone how i feel, cuz i feel stupid and i dont even have a “best friend” and every friend i have always just leaves me, and treats me like shit, and i never stand up for myself… i hate it… and the person who used to be my best friendjust stopped talking to me, and she left me when i really needed her, …. u know how many times i have actually thought about suicide… more than i can count, i doubt id ever do it though.. i just feeling shitty all the time andhave no one there for me… i cant handle it… i dont know what to do…

and im not trying to make anyone feel bad for me or w/e i just wanted to tell someone even though they dont know me cuz i have never told anyone any of the way i feel and think.. ppl just see me as happy funny stupid acting jess, and they have NO idea about unhappy i actually am…
p.s- im not doing this to have ppl feel bad for me, and i tell u this cuz, even doing this, i feel stupid. =[

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8 Comments

  1. cool dude
    4:12 pm on January 22nd, 2009

    you are most likely a thick woman,are you of a latin decent? usually the cultural genetic’s play into that.

  2. andHOPE
    11:41 am on January 23rd, 2009

    at this moment, don’t worry about other people.
    you need to worry about your feelings about yourself
    because everything starts with you.

    feelings are dangerous when you let it consume you.
    control it and understand it.

    and know that you are never alone.
    you have your family when you see yourself in the mirror.
    they are in your eyes, your pupil, your tears, and your blood.

    find yourself, know yourself, trust yourself, love yourself.

  3. australian moon
    5:48 pm on January 24th, 2009

    i am 25 and i would NEVER not talk 2 some1 because of age difference your mom is lying to make u feel better but what she needs to be doing is be talking 2 your brother about it you are also at an awkward age u will grow out of it

  4. Fra
    12:26 pm on January 26th, 2009

    LIL GIRL, KNOW THAT IN GOD’S EYES YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE PRECIOUS…EVERYONE IS UNIQUE! NOBODY IS THE SAME,, YOU ARE ORIGINAL, DON’T LOOK AT YOUR FLAWS! START SEEING YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON, NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU…

    REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOU HAVE INSIDE SHOW ON THE OUTSIDE…

    I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT AS YOU SAY YOU ARE…

    I’M THICK TOO, BUT I LOVE MYSELF THE WAY I AM…

    CAUSE I’M UNIQUE, I KNOW MY TALENTS, MY GIFTS, MY PERSONALITY…I AM SIMPLY ME…

    LOVE YOURSELF…SMILE…THERE’S GOOD NEW…JESUS DIED FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY AND GAIN ETERNAL LIFE..HE LOVES YOU…

  5. 16 hearts
    7:34 pm on January 27th, 2009

    im sooooo sorry this is happenning if you ever need a shoulder to lean on just contact mean at john_damper@yahho.com thast my myspace email if u have a myspace add me and maybe we can chat k? jsut dont kill ur self

  6. The love docta
    10:23 pm on February 1st, 2009

    Fuck everyone else girl u don’t need any of them trust me. I go therough that shit all day wit my family. Whatever they say is because they know that ur better then them. U just got to not care,easier said then done but if u can, all ur wrys will just melt away

    If u need any thing email me
    Bigestbanfever35@aol.com
    Much love and stay ku

  7. mata
    5:26 am on April 15th, 2009

    I am so with you on this one – exactly how I felt at your age, Im 29 now and fine. I put it down to puberty and hormones but it feels like more than that I know,It feels really dark and like life will never get better. Dont ever do anything to yourself ok? Ride it out ok? because I promise you your life will get better and you will think more rationally as you get older.
    You sound as if you have extremely low self esteem, that will affect your ability to make new friendships and talk to people, maybe you should go to a counselor, I have in the past and it helps to talk to someone also they will help you to understand where your feelings are coming from and why you are feeling a certain way.
    I seriously have gone through exactly what you are going through. I had an eating disorder also which didnt help my dad found out and he didnt speak to me for a year! exactly the same as you with your brother. It hurts now but I can assure you its only because some men dont know how to communicate properly, especially if something has happened even something small some just dont know how to talk emotional stuff. My dad was just being stubburn because he didnt know how to talk to me. It hurt so much at the time I felt like such an outcast and an asshole (for some reason)but then again you seek approval from your parents so I prob felt I had let him down although he prob felt he had let me down.

    Please just try and be happy, we all have bad experiences in life and some people have such sensitive souls that things hurt them so easy. Try and watch some comedies (films) and just try and not take life so seriously is all I can say! Dont be too hard on yourself either life is not as perfect as you envision it might be. You’ll always have bad time and Im sure you have good times just try not to focus on negative things. God bless you I hope you stick things out, your not alone ok? email me if you like at hawkeye1@y7mail.com 🙂

  8. L
    4:51 pm on July 9th, 2009

    Puberty is a bitch. And the ppl around you don’t seem that nice. Can you get a dog? May bring some fulfillment I donno. Keep your head up thou. and remember you are never alone. Start volunteering… helped me when I was feeling low. And start exercising. If you don’t like the way you look do something about it!! People are naturally drawn to people that care about themselves. You’ll make friends easier if you can relate to them.

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