Confession Point

When you must confess!

I am completely in love with my mate and we are to get married in a couple of months, but he broke my heart a while back and I don’t think I can get over it. He’s with me 24/7 but I think he’s one of those internet addicts that are forever flirting, planning another life, and even getting cyber dirty with them online. I know he did it at one point but I don’t think I believe he has stopped. My confession, ever since he first broke my heart, I have stalked his every move. I’ve put programs on all our pc to capture screenshots, passwords, I go into all his pages and emails. I drive myself crazy wondering who he might be talking to at work. I’ve done checks on numbers that pop up on his cell, check his cell when he doesn’t know. creep up to hear if he’s on the phone and if he disappears for more than 5 minutes I find an excuse to go around searching for him. I can’t stand living like this. I’m having a hard time letting go of what happened and yet I only want to be with him. I just can’t do it not knowing. I’ve tried breaking it off, no matter how bad I don’t want to, for his sake but he won’t leave.

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I have the password to my ex-boyfriend’s email accounts (along with his facebook, and a couple online sex/dating sites). He didn’t give them to me – I noticed him typing it in one day and remembered. I can’t help logging on now and then to see what he’s up to. I miss him. I realize this is only hurting me, since he’s moving on. Nothing in his emails is particularly shocking or even interesting but I realize it’s still wrong, and I hate being a stalker.

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