Well, no one would probably believe me if I told them face to face, and some people just make up things for attention, but, by my heart and soul, all I have to say here is true.
I have always felt a great deal of pain from persistent headaches and unexplained pains, feelings that slow me down. I am so lazy and I speak without thinking, but all of that isn’t me. I am a scholar of psychology, I know that what we think creates the world around us, and my preconceived ideas are getting the best of me. There is a lot to be said about the power of the mind, a consistent thought will become real. I know so much, and I have so much potential, but, by my nature, it seems that I cannot utilize it.
I hate nothing more than hard work. I waste most of my time playing video games to disassociate from reality, but I really want to work more on my psychological endeavors. Heck, I even know all the psychological processes I must go through to alter my reality in such a desired way. I just need some time to think it through, that is what confessing is about, right? Thinking through whatever is on your mind in an accepting and closely listening audience. I live for emotion, and since I feel so little, I have thought of many horrid things as to why I am this way.
The answer is simple, I believed I was a terrible person, part of my subconscious focused on negativity in various areas of my life, such as motivation. I have it all set out for my now: find negative feelings and shift feelings to shift habits, changing my inner world to change the world around me. I think I know why I talk so much now. Even though it hurts to speak and not be heard, I have to feel my thoughts physically manifest. That is a good feeling to me, feeling in the now, feeling real. I have work to do, but work is a nasty word, I hate work; I have a life to fulfill.
I am a really messed up person by society’s standards, but society is impersonal and doesn’t understand emotion. Society is the cookie cutter that makes people feel bad, and I speak out against such things that destroy true emotion, often to be struck down for doing what is right even though it is spitting in the face of what is accepted. I am a lazy person, and there is no need for a ‘why’ to that. It doesn’t matter, it just is. This control, this understanding of thought and emotion, this is who I really am. It is amazing how the power of a little time and effort can snowball into a life-changing experience. A good friend told me, “The key to life is not to know thyself, but to accept thyself.”
