Confession Point

I get phantom-pains in my arm from where I used to cut myself over a year and a half ago. I’m just numb there. Except occasionally, when I – or someone else- touches my arm, I remember the pain again. Or at least my body remembers the pain again. I will never cut again, but it hurts more to have the constant reminder that I was once unhappy, so visual on my skin. I hate what I did to myself.
I love my boyfriend even more for being understanding of it. He knows, athough we have never really talked about it. He’s said a thousand times that he loves me for who I am, and not for what I used to do to myself. I want to tell him how much I owe my life to him. But when he reaches over and touches my arm – not even realizing- accidentally – it makes me uncomfortable and I hate myself for it. He once touched my arm during sex, and I had to pull away.

What I tried to heal on the inside, by damaging myself on the outside, just became deeper and more painful. I have ended up damaging myself on the inside and out.

Similar Confessions:

1. I love it when my boyfriend touches my breasts i love it when my boyfriend touches my breasts. makes me just wanna push him...
2. Can’t Have Sex…? I’m a 19-year old virgin. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to have sex...
3. My Blood-Stained Sleeves Do you see them? Do you see how they hurt? The vestiges of pain and...
4. Dear you, fuck you! i dont even know what i see in you. you act like a total fucking...
5. I want to kill myself in front of my class i am a 13 year old girl who has brown eyes and dark brown straight...
6. I’m worried my boyfriend is gay Im worried about my boyfriend. We have been together for a year on the 17th...

3 Comments

1. mx
   10:07 am on December 1st, 2008

   You have a lot of negative association with what you’ve done. In reality it’s just skin. It’s like the vagina for a woman who’s been molested it’s painful and bad. For a woman who’s has a child it’s the site of a miracle.

   The past is part of your past. You have to take the negative and make it a positive. If I were your boyfriend I’d turn it into a game. Try touching the area slowly then having sex or kissing. Building up to kissing the area. Make it part of your body. Emphasize it. You can overcome the bad by making it a site for good. You need to touch it yourself and make it a place for good. Touch it and fill your head with happy thoughts. The happiest memories you can imagine and keep doing that. If you accidentally touch it and see something bad then touch it again and force yourself to think of a happy thought. It can be anything from ice cream to the way your bf makes you feel.

2. are-you-out-of-your-mind?
   6:33 am on December 3rd, 2008

   Switch to plastic kitchenware?

3. like mechanic
   1:49 pm on November 17th, 2009

   can you send us a picture of your arm?