Over the course of the summer I slept with 4 different guys. Mostly good experiences but it was just sex… no romance, just pure Fuck. September came and I met a new guy, we were so much alike in so many ways that he eventually became my first boyfriend. I liked him, everything was cool at first… then he turned psycho on me. That guy had ISSUES.

I’m a nice guy, i don’t like hurting people, he totally used that against me. He was very mentally abusive with me, he would manipulate me in ways that I still don’t understand. Everytime I tried to brake up with him, but he would take out the “I’m going to kill myself if you brake up with me” card. And more shit like that.

One night he had a party at his house, towards the end of the night, he was drunk and threw fit. He got jealous cause I was flirting with girls. but nobody knew we were dating. We had mutual friends which made keeping it a secret a touchy business, it was part of my tactics, but he wouldn’t get that. He called me names, just saying really hatefull things that I’m not used to hear. so I threatened him to leave and brake up with him (cause c’mon, he had been treating me like shit for 2 months at this point) So he threw me on his bed and pined me, holding me by the neck, he was choking me, begging me not to leave him. I’M 22, HE WAS 19, I am bigger, stronger than him, but I…. its like I couldn’t do anything.

Its then that I thought to myself: “that’s how beaten wifes that still stay with their abusive husbands feel like…”

…. man I erased so much of this from my brain I’m having trouble recalling the events properly, it was so bad.

somehow, he manipulated me into staying. He played with my feelings and my head. Since when do you hear about abused 22 y/o guys… I was so ashamed of myself.

To break up with him, I had to take a break. I visited my parents for 2 weeks, in a town 10 hours away. I sent him an e-mail from there so he coudln’t show up at my door and … I don’t know what he could have done.

In the end it worked. I broke up with him. Today I have a girlfriend that treats me well. I’m happy but still a little shaken. I told my mom and she thinks I should go see a therapist… o.O

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The second problem is… I just don’t love him. I met really fantastic guy, but he live in another state… And… Does love at distance exist? Being in love means being together – right? It’s confusing.
Eeew. Pawel, I love you.

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She treats me with so much disrespect that I can barely stand to look at her and it’s all because of money. She covers most of her bills and food. She covers our rent, which a lot of the time I’ll admit can’t pay. I told her I couldn’t pay but she insisted that I move in.

She drives up the credit card and gets upset that I can’t give her any money b/c she’s in the debt she created.

Recently, I just started making some money to help pay rent but she is so evil with how she speaks to me. I’m sick of it … I’m so damn sick of it! I feel trapped like I can’t get out of this relationship without turning my whole life upside down.

I’ve been thinking about cheating, just to hurt her and make her feel like shit; she’s driving me to it.
Although, it would be better to break-up with her; I don’t see the point of her not feeling the way she makes me feel or worse

I want to wait until I make more money and treat her with the disrespect she treats me with, find another girl and leave. I can’t bare to be with her in my success, when she can’t stand by me respectfully when times are bad.

She doesn’t know business is picking up for me financially.

I don’t know I’m not a bad person . . . maybe I just needed to vent on here . . . maybe.

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I promised my mum that i wouldn’t hurt him, that i’d just turn him into a “friend” and not hurt him. I couldn’t tell her how much i DONT want to be his friend. how much i WANT to hurt him. the only thing stopping me is that i still like being around his family. and i don’t have the courage. he’s still in love with me. and after he comes back from holidays he’ll be like “wtf? what changed?”

Well I changed. I’m sick to death of him and i want to scream at the idea of him touching me ever again. I can’t take it anymore. he does it one more time and i swear to god i will blow my brains out.

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